the struggle is real

Alright guys! So I have been a terrible motivator, I mean how can i possibly motivate any of you when i am not posting?

I never wanted this blog to be something of pure self control or perfection, I want to capture the real struggle of an everyday person trying to find their way to being healthy.

For the last 3 day i have cheated, i have had snack foods, bread, and not even close to enough amount of water.  day one was probably the worst, the vending machine at work was my best friend that night. i ate cookies and chocolate bars, and a bag of chips if i recall right. Earlier that day was not terrible though, i couldnt tell you what i ate but i do know that work that night was my downfall. days two and three were better. i did cheat but only once each day. i should be eating more often but i feel like ther is never any time in the day to eat, how am i supposed to eat 5-6 small meals a day?

On top of my semi healthy eating i have been going biking every morning. day one easy! easy peasy no issue about it. Day two was another story though, i barely made it through that day and my ass! oh my ass! it hurts so bad. i feel like there is going to be permanent bruising there. everyday thigs get a little easier though. instead of running to the fastest food to eat, which is junk, i take my time and try to make smart choices. afterall i do not bike 10 miles a day to throw it all away on food that is going to make me feel like crap!

one day i will have the body i want, the health that i want. it has only been 3 days but i already feel like i cannot go a morning without my bike ride. i know one day though i am going to have to find a new trail to ride because this will be too easy!

Onward!

day one, journey starts here.

My journey starts with a number I never thought I would see. This morning the bathroom scale awakened me with the realization that I have gained 25lbs in less than one year!  All I could do was look down at that number, then look to see myself in the bathroom mirror and then again at the number on the scale. I did not know how to fathom what happened in the past year. I tried so hard, worked so hard the summer before to work toward the body I wanted and I threw it all away, and for what? Some junk, some fast food that made me feel like shit anyways? I can’t imagine why day by day I allow myself to get bigger but always look for excuses as to why what I am doing with my life is okay! IT IS NOT OKAY! If you are bigger and you are happy, more power to you, but for me, having been athletic my whole life, being 208lbs is not even close to okay. I cannot sit down without being uncomfortable, lay down, seep, walk right, and forget about shopping and putting on clothes. I am a five foot seven inch woman who weighs 208lbs. I don’t appear to be terribly large but clothes can hide a whole lot of what you don’t want people to see. According to the mass majority of doctors I should be roughly 70lbs lighter! 70 LBS!! how in the world does that happen? I am not so sure that I will lose 70lbs because I do not want to weigh that much, when I was at my peak fitness I weighed 160. I was playing volleyball and in weights for gym at school. I was in the best shape of my life. So overall my goal will be to lose 50lbs. I know it is almost summer but I am not going to let that rush sabotage me. It seems if I have a goal in mind and I know I am not going to succeed in the allotted amount of time I have provided myself, I quit. I sulk. I do nothing that is healthy for me. If I had begun trying to lose weight and be healthy 5 months ago I wouldn’t be where mi am right now.  Through this blog I hope I can be an inspiration to people and help them on their own personal journeys.  My hope in wiring this is to be held accountable to those following and keeping track of my progress. I envision myself telling a real life story with  real life struggles. I don’t know about anyone else but the last thing I want to do is watch people with amazing bodies on videos doing all the things I cannot yet, while trying to motivate me at the same time. In those videos I would rather be watching people struggle, and fight through everything I am fighting through participating in the video. It is a mentality of, if s/he can to it, so can I. I would like to see the progress that these people take as the videos get increasingly harder…maybe that is just me but for now I will do my own thing and see where it takes me.  I would say I would start tomorrow, but isn’t that everyone’s excuse?  My goal is not to diet, I am not trying to lose weight for a specific event, I am trying to change my life forever. So no, no diets, jut lifestyle changes, something I plan on sticking with so that I never feel the way I am feeling right now, Again.  

Daily, if I am able I will disclose my food and exercise intake. Warning; I will cheat, my life has been a free for all and that is not going to go away just because I decide to be healthier, I think that is something I am going to have to slowly ween myself off of. No worries. I expect to fail, I expect that I am going to have good and bad days, I expect to get pissy and tired, but I also expect to succeed because I know I can. No one is stopping me but myself. I AM STRONGER THAN ME!